Basking....Clinging...Dreading

The last 5 weeks (yep...our baby is 5 weeks old today) have been full of amazement and countless moments basking in the wonder of this new little person. I am trying hard to etch every small detail into the archives of my mind. Like the noises she makes when she is sleeping and eating, or the way she scrunches her body into a frog position when you snuggle her, or how it takes her almost 45 minutes to truly wake up {even when she is starving}, or the way she scans the room when she hears a familiar voice. There are so many little things and I am trying to write in her journal often so that we can remember them together in years to come. I can guess at a variety of reasons why her entrance into our family has seemed so natural and so...easy. Maybe it's because after 2 miserable attempts at nursing, we agreed as a couple to go straight to the bottles this time. The lack of stress around feeding time and the blessing of having Mike help with the all-night feedings has certainly added to the beauty of it all (even though I wish with all my heart I could have nursed each of my kids successfully because I do believe it is the best option...just not for our family). Maybe it's because after surviving the first two kids, Mike and I are that much more relaxed this time around. Maybe it's because I have finally realized that books can't tell us what to do, other people can't tell us what to do...we just need to focus on this little person and allow her to tell us what she needs. It's probably a combination of so many things, but I used to dread the early days of having an infant and now I am find myself clinging to every moment.
Along with all of that joy comes the awful realization that in less than two weeks, I will be returning to work. I have never had to go back to work full-time after the birth of a baby. With the other two, I only worked 3 days a week. And I never went back this early. I was home for 3 full months with Paige and 10 weeks with Nathan. As much as I love my career...my heart breaks just thinking about leaving her. Because she is our third, I know what I will miss each and every day I leave for work. I am trying not to dwell on the negative and embrace each moment I am given with her. And focusing on the positive...Samantha (all the kids, really but she is so tiny it seems more important) is beyond blessed that she has a loving Daddy who will care for her in my absence. And there is no one else I would rather have witness all of her firsts if it can't be me.

And although it doesn't flow with the theme of this post, I have to share this photo, as it best depicts our family right now...
Samantha {being an infant} has taken center-stage in all things these days. Paige, being the amazing big sister {with the biggest heart in the world} tends to suffocate Samantha with her love and insists on being right in her face at all times. Nathan {being the loving big brother, who happens to also be a 3 year old BOY} wants to be involved, but is almost always driving a car over something {including his baby sister} or pretending to be some random LOUD animal, also on top of his baby sister. I remember being quite frustrated taking this photo the other day, but as I was looking through what I got I laughed out loud. This is SO what our life is like right now...AND I LOVE IT! And once we get around to getting frames up around our house, I promise this one will make the cut!