balance

I am not someone who functions well without schedules or routine. I thrive on the balance of each piece of our world finding it's way, in order to keep the other pieces in check. Obviously, the essence of balance means there is potential for imbalance. I am not naive to the fact that moments of imbalance come and go for each of us. The problem? I feel like I am living each and every day in imbalance mode.
A few synonyms for you to consider for balance...
HARMONY...Which to me would mean peaceful sounds, perfect combinations. Certainly not what I relate to my work day, or how work and home are mixing for me right now.
COMPOSURE...Again, to me, a presence of self that shows others you are balanced. Things don't ruffle you or set you off. I WISH this were true of me right now!
STABILITY...It would seem this means one is grounded in the happenings of their day. Able to take what they are given and not be moved. I am taking what I'm given, but I often feel like it shoves me all over the place.
I thought the feeling would pass, but I remain imbalanced. When I am work, I am thinking of my family. When I finally get home, my mind keeps racing about reports that need to be written, phone calls that need to be made, visits that must be conducted. I feel like balance implies a healthy amount of all things, yet I am spending way too much time at work and not nearly enough time with my family. I am missing out on basic daily activities that once were my sole responsibility.
At times, I am feeling closer to an antonym of balance...LUNACY!!! I have had many moments of literally feeling like I may go crazy! I try to remain focused, but it doesn't feel like the balance will come any time soon.
I admit this to you as a request for prayer! We knew this would be a major time of transition for our family, but I never anticipated just how much it would rock me to the core! Maybe I am being stretched to learn not to rely so much on routine and structure. Maybe I need to learn to live a little more in the lunacy of daily activity, trusting that God will create the balance. I'm not sure. Many mothers before me have worked demanding jobs while raising a family, so I know I will survive. I just feel like I'm letting a lot of the balls fall to the floor during my juggling act. Please pray with me that I will allow God to be the juggler. That I will learn that it is ok if all of the toys are not picked up at the end of the day, or if an email gets responded to at 8am the next day rather than 8pm that night when I should be spending time with my husband. We're only a month in, so I know there is time to figure out the balance. Just pray I don't remain in the "lunacy" stage much longer!