I somewhat avoided "blog-world" today in hopes that the mail lady I praised just a week ago would work her magic yet again. That didn't happen...and I was sad...angry...crushed! Every year around the middle of March I start to anticipate "the package." That title alone has an understanding in conversations with true friends. As much as I try to prepare myself for the possibility of not receiving it on time, the hope is always there. So, I admit there were some tears today when I accepted the reality that I won't see her beautiful face quite yet! I called my adoption agency and the package has been mailed, so I will keep checking my mailbox every 2 hours!!
It's hard to explain the roller coaster of emotions around Rebecca's birthday and the weeks that follow. And I'm not sure this is the place to do it. There are so many things I would love to share, but I don't feel like all the pieces are mine to share. As much as my life has been impacted by Rebecca's...the story is as much "hers" as it is "mine."
So I cling to precious memories and trust that someday she will embrace every detail. I adore her parents and have total trust in how they have shared her story with her...and embraced it!
Since Thursdays are supposed to be my "thankful" day, and today I was feeling not so particularly "thankful," here's my list...
I'm thankful for...
*My joyful kids! As I allowed myself to be grumpy today, I finally stopped and looked around. I have no reason to be grumpy! These two kids are such a gift! They make me laugh when I want to cry, they pull me off the couch to play when I want to sit and mope, they hug me when I'm feeling lonely. Their joy is contagious and I needed it today!
*The Thompson Family! I lived with them for a stint while I was pregnant for Rebecca. Little did I know how those months of living in their basement would impact my life! They welcomed me when most ran from me. They loved me when I was so uncertain what love looked like. They showed me, in very tangible ways, what the GRACE of Jesus looks like! They guided me on a path that has blossomed with goodness!
*Curves in the road when I want to keep going straight! Sometimes in life, the straight road appears so much safer...predictable...comfortable! I am thankful that God has gone with me down some curved roads in order to teach me more of His love and give me a better understanding of the depths of his mercy and grace!
Today I am EMBRACING the journey of my past and thanking God for taking what Satan intended for bad and using it for HIS glory!!!
12 years ago
2 comments:
I had to check your blog before I went to bed, hoping I would get an idea how you were holding up today.I am SO SO sorry that you did not get your pictures! I know there is nothing that I can really say, I wish more than anything though, that I was there to just be there... I hope you know that you are loved so much! And I can't wait to see the blog that says that the package has arrived!!! Love you!
Hi Liss,
Except for when I was too sick to even walk or talk, I prayed for you continually through those very painful, difficult days of your journey.THANKFULLY, I was there when Audrey was born. (When I meet her, she'll be Rebecca, Liss. Until that time, I'm remembering her as Audrey). I am so very thankful that her pictures are "in the mail.'
I love you,
Mom
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