Developmentally Ready?

If you are a person who checks my blog just for pictures, or who cringes at deep topics...today would be a good day to skip my post!! Just a warning!

This time of year is always bitter-sweet for me as I anticipate my first daughter's birthday. Rebecca will be 11 on April 2! Despite the years of healing and the overwhelming sense of joy I have from knowing she is loved, well-adjusted and content with her life story, there will always be a sense of longing in my heart for her. I constantly wonder what she is doing, what she thinks about, what I'm missing out on. At the same time, I am awestruck at the mighty ways God has taken something so painful and created such a masterpiece! I look forward to celebrating her special day and seeing recent pictures of her with her friends and family. The pain that once overwhelmed me during this season has been replaced by total peace and hope of what is to come. I look forward with unspeakable anticipation, to the day when we are reunited...IT WILL HAPPEN!

When Mike and I started talking about having a family, I was always curious about how we would handle sharing Rebecca's story with our children...her half siblings. Neither of us have ever wanted it to be a secret. We have pictures of her in our home and have made a point to embrace her life and the unique role she plays in ours. At the same time, I have also tried to balance the fine-line of sharing details that the kids are developmentally prepared to handle. Not a balance I have felt confident or comfortable with. I never want to scare them or shock them, but know it needs to simply be a part of our family story.

I have felt like the time was coming to have a chat with Paige about Rebecca. Until now, she has known her name and we have always simply left it that she is special part of our family that we don't see. It hasn't seemed like enough for her lately. Each year for Rebecca's birthday I send her a gift and a letter. We decided that Paige would be a part of that this year.

On our way to the store, I told her what we were doing and shared briefly about who Rebecca is. Her first response was, "Mommy, you have LOTS of babies?" I told her I have three. It was quiet for a moment, so I asked what she was thinking about. Her response..."Can I please have my music on?" There you have it...she had enough information for her almost 5 year old brain to comprehend for one day! I laughed so hard. We had a great time picking out the perfect gift for Rebecca's 11th birthday. My heart feels better knowing that there are no secrets. I'm sure this is the first of MANY conversations about Rebecca, but hopeful that this one will make the others more natural. I always want my kids to feel comfortable asking tough questions and to know that we are always willing to give honest answers.

On a lighter note...my friend Tracy has earned a gold star!! After my post about my "Just Born Jelly Beans" addiction, she tipped me off to a possible lead. Although my scale isn't thanking her, my pantry is now pleasantly stocked with bags of fresh beans!!! THANK YOU, my friend!!