I've been SMACKED!

Do you ever have those times when you feel like God "smacks" you with His promises as if to say, "I told you to trust me...SEE...I am faithful?"... I've been smacked!!
I am doing the new Beth Moore bible study on Esther with a group of ladies from church. I can't really explain it, but it has been so challenging. Not one of those pat-you-on-the-back kind of studies where you show up and hear a good word and walk away feeling better about yourself. More like do hours of reading and searching during the week, spend two hours at group and realize that I fall short...every day! I am being stretched and it doesn't always feel good, but it's exciting! Not to mention that Beth is a phenomenal leader, and I'm making some new friends.
Last week we talked about FEAR. What is your biggest fear? Is it losing your child? Is it your spouse leaving you? Is it a terminal illness? Often times, our faith consists of praying against those fears and trusting (or hoping) that God will spare you from it's reality. That is fine and good. I believe in the power of prayer and I know that my God is all powerful and still performs miracles. BUT...what if he allows it? What if your worst fear comes true...then what? I was so challenged by this. I've been in that place before. I know what that lesson feels like. 11 years ago this month I was grappling with the hardest decision of my life. Would I become a single parent and face a whole new world alone, or would I make the most painful decision a mother can make and allow someone else to raise my child? My greatest fear at that moment was living life without my daughter. I know the end result of the internal battle of fear. After the mourning and anger, I find solace in my God. After the weeping and depression, I find hope only given by my heavenly Father. At some point, I find the courage to take the next step of the journey. So why is fear such a nagging issue? We limit our faith (AND OUR GOD) when we simply trust that he will protect us from the harsh realities of life. The reality is that even if that worst fear happens, He is still God...He still loves us...He still has a plan for us. I've been grappling with this all week. Realizing that God is SO doing a work on me...breaking me in places I thought I was content, challenging me in places I never bothered to consider. He wants us to trust Him...PERIOD!!! Not to fear the outcome, the details or the journey...just trust! I'm a work in progress!
So in the middle of all of this "work" on my heart, God smacks me! I assumed that the job at Bethany was behind me. I had prayed about it, lost sleep over it...you know the drill. The local director called last week to say that she has not hired anyone for the full-time position and wanted me to do PER-DIEM work. Um, hello...did God just call me directly? So, after all of the struggle to make that choice, God throws in my lap the dream job along with the gift of staying home with the kids and making my own schedule. It was almost like He was laughing the whole time wondering when I would just surrender and realize He had it all figured out!
Pray with me that I will learn to be courageous and bold...having total faith and trust that NO MATTER what comes to me each day, I stand firm in the knowledge of Him who made me. More on this later, I'm sure because like I said...I'm a work in progress!