Mixed Emotions

Since the day we started considering a move, I had mixed emotions. Today, 4 months into it, I still find myself with mixed emotions. Like when I got a call Friday afternoon that my father was in the ER, then later a call to say he was having surgery. Although my family is here, 98% of my heart wanted to run to Rochester. Leaving my family was the hardest part of this move, and it is heart wrenching to not be able to support them when they are hurting. My dad made it through surgery and is home resting. He will have limitations when we visit, but love doesn't know limitations, so we can't wait!! Check out the countdown...we are within DAYS!!!

There are still mixed emotions...we left good jobs, we had a great church, our kids had cousins and friends all over the place, we had a house that was "ours", I was working for an agency I have always dreamed about working for, friends, memories...comfort!! All of those things equal comfort to me. They are familiar, somewhat predictable, things we didn't have to question really. We have family here, too, which is a blessing, but the sense of comfort isn't quite a reality for us yet. As much as my heart may still be torn and I wrestle every day with what we are doing here, there is a peace. A sense that leaving our comfort zone was best for us, that we are creating a new comfort zone that only God understands right now, and that is exciting. We are being stretched and challenged in every way...not always pleasant, but so healthy!

Amidst the mixed emotions there are moments of "Oh, yeah...this is a positive of the move!" Today was filled with those moments. It all started with Mike whispering to me after breakfast, "lets head to the playground, then play at the beach, then have hot dogs for lunch at Sam's Place on the ocean." And we did...no hesitation!

The park was perfect!! Empty except for us! Amazing that swings can always bring out the kid in us! As usual...the ocean was beyond perfect! There was a cool breeze and you could feel the cold water in the air, but the SUN!! Oh, how I love the sun!!

After a while of running and chasing, Paige started looking for shells! I was quickly taken back to our family trip to Disney when I was 6. I remember searching for and collecting shells, then bringing them to the hotel to clean them and lay them out on a towel to dry. Paige was so excited and declared that she would take them home and keep some, but put some in her bag to give to Zach and Meghan next week when we go to NY. Oh, my heart!!!

It became a family event! Everyone was looking for shells. And this is when things got deep for me! Obviously, Nathan had no clue what we were doing so simply picked up anything he could grab and was so excited about his treasures. Mike and I were on a mission to find those great shells, you know the ones you see on postcards and advertisements...the PERFECT shell!!

Then there is Paige who made it known that she wanted to collect EVERY shell on the beach. "But, Mama. All of the shells need a place to go!" For some reason, she was particularly drawn to broken shells. She wanted to save them...help them in some way. When Mike told her not to pick up broken ones she said, "but even the broken ones are pretty, Daddy!" We talked about how that is like Jesus. He doesn't want us to be perfect. He doesn't look around for the people who are somehow "good enough" to make it in His Kingdom. He takes us just as we are...chips, jagged edges, wholes in the middle, and loves us unconditionally. I pray my children will grasp that concept early. I pray they will know we love them no matter what. I pray they will not compare their imperfections to the success of others, but will seek to meet people where they are and love them for who they are, just as Christ has done for us! More than anything, I pray they will understand early that Jesus loves them, even with flaws!! We have started our family collection of shells...perfect ones and broken ones because that is who we are!