Sunday, July 13, 2008

A long anticipated moment of motherhood

There are a few conversations I have played in my head, simply anticipating them happening with my kids. You know...when they really start to ask about sex, when they have done something truly morally wrong, when they ask deep questions. I play through different possible "talks" we may have. Today was one of the first times it became a reality.
Let me stage the scene for you. Michael, Paige and I were sitting together in church. Paige was on my lap and taking in her new surroundings. There is a huge cross hanging from the ceiling at the front of the church...simple, yet a strong statement! The pastor had just begun praying.
Paige taps my leg..."Mommy!" To which I whisper, "we have to be quiet now, the pastor is praying."
P:"But Mommy, why is that up there?" (pointing to the cross)
E: **Realizing this is a moment I can't "SHHH!" away..."It's the cross and it is there to remind us how much Jesus loves us."
P:"Because he died on the cross?"
E:"Right, baby. He died for us and rose again."
P:"And now He is in heaven?"
E:"Yes, He is in Heaven."
**Thinking that this was the end of a 4 year olds ability to comprehend the conversation.
P: TAPPING MY LEG AGAIN BECAUSE I CLOSED MY EYES...it was a long prayer!!! "But Mommy, how does Jesus fit in all the hearts?"
E: I was confused..."What do you mean, baby?"
P:"There is only one Jesus, but how does he fit in all the hearts?"
E: **Thinking to myself...she gets this?!?!?!?! And then...CRAP....how do I explain that? "You're right, there is only one Jesus and he wants everyone to love him. When you decide to love Him forever, He fills your heart with His love. Because Jesus loves us so much, He never runs out of love and has enough for EVERYONE!!!!!"
Somehow she was satisfied with that, gave me the deepest smile she had and closed her eyes to finish the prayer. Although my eyes were closed, I was not paying attention. I had just experienced a surreal moment! My greatest desire is for my children to know and love the Lord and desire Him to be their Savior. I felt like we took one step closer this morning. My heart was jumping...not because I felt like I had answered her questions in the best way, but because she has a desire to know and wants to ask the questions. I know the questions will get deeper, tougher and more complex as she matures and the "right" answers will be harder to find, but I will always stop to answer them...even if I don't feel adequate to answer them.
For my girl...Paige, I hope you will always come to me with tough questions and know that I will always love you no matter what the outcome is...JUST KEEP ASKING!!!! I love you!!!!! Mama

1 comments:

Kelle said...

Oh, Elissa, I love this story! I'm so excited to see all these posts...going to grab another cup of coffee so I can read more! xoxo